What My Dough Belly Tells My Girls

My daughter couldn't have been more than 8 the first time she came to me sobbing about being fat. 

Fat? You are a mere child. You barely know your addition facts. What ARE you talking about? 

I was shocked and appalled at the language coming from her mouth. A mouth with gaping tooth holes. She was way too young to be thinking about weight. Way.

But apparently some kid at school threw the F word at my little girl and now the conversations about that dreaded little word would need to take place. 

My first reaction was to brush it off. 

You are not fat, Sweetie. You are a beautiful little girl. Go play with your dolls.

But a few days later the F word came up again and I knew I needed to give this some more thought. How was I going to respond?

What did I want to teach her about her body?

What was I going to teach her sisters?

What does it mean to be beautiful?

And,
How do I feel about my own body?

You see where this is going, don't you?

It came back around to me.

During this time of thinking and introspection, one of daughters discovered my belly. You know the one. The one that is soft and shaky from babies hiding out in it. And I've had a few in there over the years.

I was in the bathroom getting ready when my girls invaded. I don't know why this happens but that closed door is a magnet for knocking fists and conversations that just. can. not. wait. So three of the sassy, giggling variety joined me in my bathroom. That is when the belly was discovered.

Oh Mommy! I love your belly! Can I touch it? It is sooo soft. 

And they did. And they were wowed by it's softness.

To which I wanted to gag and pull away and let them know how gross it was. But something made me stop and evaluate my next words very carefully.

To my surprise they sounded something like:

I know. Isn't it great how soft it is? Do you know why? Because you kids got to live in there and my belly stretched out really big so many times. (This was before we adopted anybody and they were all included in belly-time.) Isn't God cool to design my belly like that?

That was the day something shifted in me.

That was the day of deciding to model for my kids more then just a squishy middle. I was going to model an appreciation for my body for the sake of my girls.

What do I want to hear coming from their mouthes? At age 8 and at age 18, could I expect my girls to be accepting of their bodies if I was not accepting of mine?

I now have 4 girls that all have different shapes. From boney to booty, from slim to not-so-much. 

And they are all beautiful. Of course they are! But I needed to do more then just tell them that, I needed to model that.

Moms, Aunts, Grandmas and Girlfriends, we have great bodies. 
That's right, GREAT BODIES!

What makes a body great? 

I'll tell you what makes mine great.

I slogged out of bed this morning and my legs didn't buckle but took me to the kitchen where my hands made eggs for my family. 
My neck swiveled approximately 6,000 times, turning from one kid to the next to answer questions. 
This week, my shoulders have carried too many groceries to count. 
My elbows can bend in a really tricky way to get a sippy cup to the carseat behind me. 
My lips have been known to make countless ouchies vanish. 
These thighs? Let's just say, my kids want them on their kickball team. At least the littlest does.

A great body? Why, yes I do. 

A model might have a great body for the job she is given to do, but so do I. 
And so do you. 

Women, our bodies were not designed to be stared at or appreciated for how hot they look in a pair of jeans. That might happen sometimes but that is not their foremost purpose. Our bodies are designed to do great things. Our bodies are made for action and hugging and adventure and nurturing. For DOING. 

I want my daughters to grow up knowing that. I want them to appreciate their bodies for what they can do, not how they appear. 

And it needs to start right here with me and my great body.

Go on, Ladies.  Appreciate your own GREAT BODY! It does amazing things.

The Clothes Fast: Covering Naked Booties

Wow. This was by far! the best part about the clothes fast.

It made the whole thing so very worth it!

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I'll quickly fill you in. Two years ago God challenged me to go a year without buying any clothes for myself. I like a good challenge and I took him up on it. You can read the why's and whines HERE. And then God put injustice in front of my face and I couldn't look away and he fit it perfectly into the purpose of my fast. You can read about that HERE.

It's also interesting to note that while I try to pretend that my blog is polished, <snort> the first post is entitled The Clothes Fast and part two is entitled The Clothing Fast. 
Just keeping it real.

The bottom line of the fast:

None of this:

(for a long time)

=

to be used for 

{more important things}

I knew there were lots of needs in Uganda, but wow. My heart was pulled out of my body too many times to count. Did you know that in a country of 32 million, the median age is 15? Fifteen! And 2.5 million of those people are ORPHANS. So yes, I was able to find some Important Things to spend my clothes money on.

I thought it would be so cool to spend my money on people who really did need clothes. Sort of a little nod to myself emphasizing my huge UNneed for clothes. And God delivered.

One night over dinner, two great and enthusiastic American ladies told me of their plan to scrub and clothe some boys from a local boy's home who were itching for some new clothes. Yes, itching.

I convinced them to let me come along. When it came down to it, only one stayed behind to wash the boys and I was happy to go to the markets and buy the clothes. Especially after we got to the home and saw that most of these boys were too big for us to wash anyway. 

Maybe you can't tell, but these boys really needed new clothes. A few of the pants looked like they had been through a sword fight, one of the boys was wearing a skirt and at least one didn't have on any pants at all. 

So we lined them up by height...

...Started a list: 3 size 7/8 pants, 4 size 10/12 pants...

...And hit the market! 

Never has bargaining for used clothes in the hot sun been so fun!

It was so much more than just exchanging these clothes for those clothes. It was shouting to those boys, 

You are valuable! God thinks you are awesome!

This is the after picture. Aren't they handsome boys?

P.s. This home, the Mengo Boy's Home, is currently looking for a church to partner with them. These boys are from the streets, a lot of them addicted to sniffing jet fuel, without a home. The director's goal is to keep them clean, teach them about God and train them in a vocation before they reach adulthood. They really need financial help! If anyone is interested please contact me for more info!

I left that home on cloud nine but with money left to spend.

A few days later we were in a town nearby, driving down a dirt road when I squealed with utter delight at this sign:

It's not considered stalking if it's an organization, right? 

I am a huge fan of these two young twenty-somethings who started this really special home for disabled kids. I have read every single post on their blog, looked at the profile of every kid on their website and cried big tears over their Christmas nativity play. 

They don't just take in disabled kids who are abandoned or unwanted, they educate their community! Moms will show up at their gate wanting them to fix their autistic kid and they will invite them both in and teach the mom that her son has value and show her how to mother him. 

Ekisa is home to a dozen or two kids, some in wheelchairs, some with braces, burns or extra chromosomes. They have a small room for physical therapy and a school room for classes. "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made" is painted on their walls. 

There were tears in my eyes the.entire.hour. we were there. The kids were laying down for rest time but some had their eyes open and we walked around their rooms, stroking their arms and talking to them. Most of them smiled and smiled. 

The boss lady there said they get many donations of toys and clothes but really needed help to pay their staff. If there was a better way to spend the rest of my money, I wouldn't know what it was.

Whoever said "It's better to give than to receive," wasn't kidding.

It was so worth it! Every dollar not spent on something I didn't really need anyway, made such a difference to someone else. The high I got from seeing those boys in clean clothes and visiting Ekisa was a far higher high than what I get from the sale racks on my shopping trips. Much higher.

But then, it's not about me is it? 

That's pretty much what the Clothes Fast was all about.

The Clothes Fast: What? Why?

<Disclaimer: I'm always a little nervous when I write about what God is doing in my heart. It is never meant to be pointed at anyone else, to judge or be ugly. I don't feel haughty, I hope I don't sound it either. I am FAR from perfect which is why Jesus keeps pruning me. Ok, I feel better.>


When I was around 16, I thought it would be a cool and noble thing to go on a fast from buying clothes.  So at the beginning of December I made a half-hearted decision to go a whole month without buying a single sock. But right after Christmas, one of my friends had this uber radical orange sweatshirt (yes, this was the '90's) that she was getting rid of.

from google

I caved.

My rational was that I wouldn't pay her the 5 bucks until January. 

Lame, lame, lame. One whole month and I couldn't do it.

A little bit about myself then and now at 32: I am no diva and no one asks me for my secret to putting together great outfits. I'm probably pretty average. I love shopping, love jeans, love to have my own style and if a top is super cute but not really me, I won't wear it. Most of the time I wear a t-shirt or tank. My weakness is the clearance section at Old Navy.  I appreciate stylin' clothes but... it's not my passion.

from google

Now that you know where I'm coming from, here's my little Fasting Story.

Last summer I got my hands on the book by David Platt, Radical. It was just so inyourface. Not in a guilt inducing way. But it rumbled around my soul. It haunted me. It compelled me to action.

One of challenges Mr. Platt gave at the end was to sacrifice something for a specific cause.

I'm not into coffee and I couldn't think of anything I spend an obnoxious amount of money on. For years I've wondered how long I could go without buying clothes. And the orange sweatshirt of the '90's still smirked at me.

So I decided to go 12 months without buying wearables for myself.

The rules were simple:
1. No buying new clothes. No shirts, jeans, flip-flops, undies, socks, etc.
2. No jewelry or accessories. With the acception of sunglasses. They are practical, hello!
3. If I got above mentioned things as gifts, they would have to sit in my closet and wait for the year to be over.

from google

Because it was so clear cut, I couldn't really justify anything.

And because Dave Ramsey is our hero (!) we have a weekly clothes allowance for my hubby and I. After 1 year, there's some cash in there! Let's just say he doesn't enjoy shopping as much as I do. Some cash that can do some serious good!

Now the year is almost over! I have 22 days left. 

And I have a lot of thoughts.

Did I ever cheat?

Sort of.

Last fall was my Grandma's 90th birthday party. My Aunts declared that everyone should wear a hat. As I was standing in line at Goodwill with my beach/gardening/ranching hat in hand, I panicked. I got out of line and frantically called my good hubby to make sure I was not breaking my own rules. I'm still not sure why I didn't just wear the one hat I already had. Maybe I wanted it to be special for Grandma. Maybe I was itching to spend money. Anyway, my hubby thought I was crazy. Just buy the flim-flam hat already, what's the big deal.

The Orange Sweatshirt, that's the big deal.

The other time I really did cheat was in Florida. Our family spent Christmas and New Year's down south and after we had unpacked it became clear that I had not actually put the stack of sandals in the suitcase. The thought of boots in Florida is practically illegal and so we hit the dollar store. If the lesson I was trying to learn was that buying new things do not make me happy than that experiment was a total success! Have you ever wore $1 flip-flops for extended periods of walking?

Now that my 12 months is almost over (Yay!!!) I'm reflecting and making sure I learned something.

The first thing is rather surprising. It is almost a relief to forget about new clothes. Because I can't buy things, I'm not bothered by new styles or too horrified by my capris that are a few seasons stale. It's like a good excuse to not care.

Secondly, the things I thought I really valued aren't such a big deal after all.

For instance, I had this pair of earrings. Cute little silver cuffs from World Market that I have had for years. They were some of my favs! On Mother's Day, I was getting ready to go on a walk in the woods with my family. Off go the Sunday morning clothes, on go the sweats and for some silly reason, on went those earrings. The second one didn't have a backing on it and I remember thinking, I'm going right into my bedroom to get it. I remembered 5 hours later as I was getting ready for bed.

I was wide-eyed with shock for about 60 seconds before I  realized:
"This doesn't change any aspect of my life. That's surprising."
And then life went on.

The real reason for the fast was to give up something I wanted for the sake of giving something more important to someone else. To remind myself that my life really isn't about me, it's about Jesus. It was something I did for him.

The side benefit of the fast was letting go of something that can easily become so important to me. Less of me Jesus, more of You!

I really hope I don't lose all that I have learned as I again enter the world of Charlotte Russe (are they still in existence?) and What Not to Wear.

But the date is set. My calendar is marked. The girlfriends are on board.

I. am. going. shopping!

May I learn to live in this tension between the fashionable and the most important.

Part 2 coming soon.