Wednesday, October 24, 2012

My Ramblings: Wrecked!

I'm not a very faithful blogger.

There are many reasons for this:
1- kids
2- laundry
3- no news (AT ALL)
4- my fingers all snapped off

You don't believe me? I DO have kids. I do a LOT of laundry. I have ZERO news.

Actually, the biggest reason is this:
It's hard to put into words when the Holy Spirit wrecks your soul. And I've been sort of obsessed with that so I couldn't write about anything else either.

I know God has been after me this whole year, but this past month he is relentless.

And. I. LOVE. IT!

A month ago, I stumbled onto a video on youtube. I was glued the the screen for the whole 46 minutes. I had seen passionate people before and I had heard some God-you-totally-rock stories before. But this woman, or actually, God in this woman, blew me away. I wanted what this woman had.

Her name is Heidi Baker and although she often refers to herself as little ole me, she is a GIANT in the faith. A powerful preacher, missionary since 1980 (Dude, that's like my entire LIFE!), mother to hundreds. Um-hum. She is cool. But even cooler than all that... she is a passionate lover of God and knows how to live. in. His. presence.

So yes, I am a big fan of Heidi Baker. My hubby rolls his eyes at this daily.

( I have listened to most of her videos on youtube, scoured her ministries website and devoured her latest book. In the past month. You might be tempted to think I'm a freak or something. But I'm telling ya, watch the movie.)

But really this isn't about Heidi. (My first-name-basis friend.)

This is about the Spirit in me.

All my life I have believed that the Holy Spirit is real and leads us, comforts us, directs us. I read my Bible. But the power of the Holy Spirit would stump me a bit. The personal intimacy too. And especially the Supernatural.

I relied on the Holy Spirit's leading for the Big Stuff (ie. Shall we move to the other side of the world? Should we adopt a kid or two?) But I wasn't as familiar with the moment by moment fellowship with the Holy Spirit.

In the past 3 years I have learned to Hear God's Voice thanks to Mark Virkler and that was such a game changer. Now God is whispering something again.

It's so hard to put this into words.

There is a stirring in my spirit. I am hanging out with the Holy Spirit! In my closet. In my kitchen. In my car. In Wal-mart. I love it!

God has wrecked me. I haven't cried and begged and soaked like this EVER. To be completely undone in His presence... To have Him answer prayers and speak to my spirit day after day... To fall on my face because I'm so desperate to hear His voice...

All that probably didn't make much sense to anyone else. If those words were someone else's I would probably feel the same way. But anyway...

God is doing something. There is something stirring. There is a wave coming. God is looking for people who are thirsty and hungry and desperate for Him.

Can you feel it?

God wants to wreck us.

And it feels. so. so. good.


  1. I'm so glad to hear of what God has been doing in your life! I've had a similar experience with Heidi... she came to Kunming around the beginning of last year and I went to hear her up north. While there were no earthquakes at the time, since then God has "woken me up" spiritually in ways I never experienced before. I'd say I was "born again" except I do believe I was saved before. :-)

    So I've been going to the northside for over a year now, going with Amy now too. :-) Anyway, I too find myself "hungry for more" and just so encouraged to find HS alive and well in my life, and yours, and so many others! Blessings...

  2. wow! you got to hear her in person? i guess her husband grew up in kunming, didn't he?
    so happy to hear how the HS has woken you up and wrecked you!! bring it on God!

  3. I actually don't know too much about them, but yes, that's what I heard, at least born in Kunming...