Why We Don't Have Everything We Need

The Lord is my Shepherd; I have all that I need. 

Psalm 23

Is there a more loved chapter in the Bible than Psalm 23? Doubtful. We are all a bit desperate to know that God does a good job taking care of us. This chapter not only speaks to us, it shouts to us. God give me what I need!

But it doesn't always feel true, does it?

David is absolutely convinced that God gives him rest and nourishment and courage and companionship. He brags about how God protects his body and comforts his heart. 

David believes God restores his soul. What does that even mean?

Everything I need? Really?

I have a lot of needs. In many ways, I lack. There always seems to be a chasm between who I want to be and who I am. Between what I should be holding and what's in my hands. 

The list on my refrigerator look like this:
1. Water
2. Chocolate and/or caffeine
3. Patience 
4. Wisdom
5. Boundaries
6. Real conversations
8. Gentle tones all the way up to bedtime
9. Wisdom!

Is it true that I have everything I need? Because some days it just doesn't feel like the patience and the wisdom are there. Some days I scream "I have unmet needs!!"

You too? Please say it's not just me.

Do you know anyone who is exceptionally motherly? 

Go along with me for a minute. 

You probably know one sweet woman who would like to mother the whole world. Feed them. Cloth them with the perfect weight jacket for the coolness of the day. Give them advice all the day long.

That maternal figure might want to nurture the world, but she can only really mother those who let her. We can ignore her warnings and turn down her chili, spurning her mothering.

The same is true with the Shepherd. Just because he offers to be our shepherd, doesn't mean he is functioning as one in our relationship.

We have to let him shepherd us.

It is our turn, friends. We must place our sheepish selves under his care. We acknowledge we need him. We listen when he talks and we take his advice. When he points to a resting spot, we take it. When he nudges us into places that take bravery, we walk ahead. 

He leads me beside peaceful streams.

He might be in the lead but we still have to put one foot in front of the other and follow.

My cup overflows with blessings.

But do we see it? Do we notice the good stuff splashing out over the edges?

He lets me rest in green meadows.

Are we taking him up on the offer? Or are we distracted by the sunshine or by the other guy or by our own expectations?

Once upon a time I missed a great opportunity to rest because I thought rest only looked like inactivity and my soul stayed dry and needy. 

Once upon a time I didn't see his rod and his correction as comforting because I preferred to keep going the wrong way.

Once upon a time my strength wasn't enough for my situation because I decided to ignore his leading. 

That was yesterday.

Today? Today I'm learning to trust that Shepherd a bit more because I am absolutely needing what he is offering.

Two Kinds of the Stinking Mom Guilt

The scene stayed alive on the edges of my heart, just waiting for a reason for prance on in. It wasn't a pretty scene, but nevertheless it loved to come out to play. Play havoc on my emotions, that is. 

My son couldn't have been older than three or four. Meal times were still stressful for us even though he had graduated from Occupational Therapy and had a feeding tube in his little belly. 

I had imagined my stress level plummeting by now because surely our troubles would be behind us and typical eating would be the new norm.

After another meal time that was really, just another fidget time, I lost it. Not every mom is a yeller, but I get there quicker than I want to. This time was shriller and louder and uglier than most, causing my little guy to run for the next room in tears. 

And the picture of him crying into his hands tormented me for years. It messed with my head, it plagued me, it treated me like it's punching bag.

Until last week.

If you are a mom, you probably can identify with those feelings. Undoubtedly, you too have moments of regrets and words you would pay good money to take back. 

You too have an uninvited movie reel that enjoys reminding you of the low-lights. Perhaps it is that one child or that dark season that makes you wish for a do-over. Like a dry erase board that could be wiped blank. 

If you ever find yourself gazing at the dark ceiling above your bed, convinced that you are screwing your children up for life, you may suffer from guilt.

What is a mom (or a dad, or a normal human) to do with those feelings of guilt?

There are two very different kinds of guilt and if we mistake one for the other, we will be sad parents indeed. 

Paul words it this way:

The kind of sorrow God wants us to experience 

leads us away from sin and results in salvation. 

There's no regret for that kind of sorrow. 

But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, 

results in spiritual death. 

From 2 Corinthians 7

These two kinds of sorrow are the two kinds of guilt I'm referring to. 

1. One variety of guilt causes us to come eyeball to eyeball with our sin. That guilt is a helpful guilt. It is a gut check, the whistle blown on a foul play. We might not like this guilt, but we should.

2. The second variety is a life sucker. This guilt is the weight that keeps us eyeball to eyeball with our junk long after it has been forgiven. There is nothing wholesome about this brand.

Guilt produces bad feelings and bad feelings will never shake the guilt. No matter how often I revisit my bad behavior to punish myself, those negative feelings will never absolve my feelings of shame. 

Is there some small part of you that believes that holding onto those guilty feelings is the just punishment you deserve? That justice demands that you never forget your wrongdoing? 

It's easy to get sucked into that thinking. 

But first things first.

We need to identify our guilt. 

1. Is this a whistle being blown because I screwed up? If so, the remedy is so beautifully simple: repent. Repentance acknowledges the sin and decides to turn around and head the opposite direction. Guilt can do a good, good work if we let it.

We read over and over in scripture about God's response to our sin. Yes, we feel guilty but he forgives us without even a hesitation. There is no pause, no lull, no lapse. His forgiveness is quicker than immediate because he forgives us before we ever knew we needed it. 

For some lovely reading check out Psalm 32:1-5, Psalm 85:2, Hebrews 10:22-23, Romans 8:1-2, Isaiah 43:25, 1 John 1:9, Hebrews 8:12.

That first brand of guilt is not one we are so quick to talk about. And maybe that is why the guilt hangs around for so long, because it is uncomfortable to address the sin that it's pointing to. 

But it needs to happen and we moms are pretty good at doing the hard stuff. Muscles.

So now what is left? 
What do we do with the Mom Guilt that just doesn't quit? The stuff that follows our thoughts around like a stray puppy? We have got to stop petting that sick puppy.

2. Is this guilt a pure energy drain? If there is nothing left for us to repent of, than we have to call it what it is: completely unnecessary mom guilt. If we do not drag it out, showing no mercy, it will bring death. Death to our joy, death to a good night's sleep, even death to relationships. It must go!

Right here is the difference between BEING GUILTY and FEELING GUILTY. 

You can be completely guilty and not feel it and you can feel like a complete scumbag but be innocent. 

Like the great Bible preacher Spurgeon said, "Sometimes our heart condemns us, but, in doing so, it gives a wrong verdict."

He must be in cahoots with the disciple John who talks about guilt this way:

Even if we feel guilty, 

God is greater than our feelings, 

and he knows everything.

From 1 John 3

Moms, or anyone struggling with guilt, we need to recognize this last kind of guilt as a feeling. What do we do with our feelings? Or maybe the question is actually: what should we do with our feelings? (Because inhaling a bag of sweet potato chips may be my reality but not an actual solution.)

Hey friends, contrary to what some people have told us, 
Our feelings are not our boss!

They do not have to yank us around by the hair and dictate our actions and thoughts. 

The Holy Spirit is our Boss if we let him be and I know what he says about me and you and our old sins.

Don't miss this! This is so good and so important.

My guilt is removed and my sins are forgiven! (Isaiah 6:7)
God declares me right in his sight because I believe in Jesus! (Romans 3:26)
Because I have been made right, I have peace in me, not guilt! (Romans 5:1)

Hey Mom! Yes you, the imperfect one. You are not judged guilty!

Last week, God spoke to my guilty heart loud and clear, soft and kind. He let me know that he was in the ugly moment in my living room, mothering my son the whole time. He was motioning for me to come receive the healing and the forgiveness even at the very instant of my mom fail.

But the words he spoke to me were not just for me, they are for you too. And don't you know, when God speaks, we listen up.

It's over. It's done. Stop sitting in it. Stop replaying the bad.
The guilt is gone. Gone! See ya later. Adios. Fare thee well. 
Don't you dare pick it back up or stoop to pet it again. Let. It. Go.

There is no need to let guilt boss you around ever again.

You are welcome to walk through your days...
GUILT FREE!

Also, Extra, Further, Higher

More. 

That word can smack with fear or bring sweet relief. When we speak it to Jesus, it can be loud and bold and hopeful.

With Jesus, there is always more. 

His very good friend hunched over his pen and mulled over his hours and months with the Revolutionary. He wrote and wrote. He remembered strange conversations and jaw-dropping miracles. He remembered people and events and words. Chapter after chapter he recorded until his little pen was shaking. 

And then, in the very last verse of the very last chapter of his account, he wrote, "Jesus also did many other things. If they were all written down, I suppose the whole world could not contain the books that would be written."

There was so much more of Jesus. 

The night before his big test, Jesus crammed ideas and promises into his followers. But even after two and a half chapters of monologuing, he admitted, "There is so much more I want to tell you." He promised the Holy Spirit would be their next teacher, picking up where he had to leave off. 

There was so much more of Jesus' teachings. 

Happy happy HAPPY for us! The truth of Jesus, the teachings of Jesus and the insight from Jesus did not stop at the end of John's gospel nor at the end of the Bible. 

There is more of Jesus to be had in every millennium, in every generation, in every season.

No generation grasps him completely but every one stands on the shoulders of the previous, discovering new angles and character and going further with the More of Jesus they uncover.

There is more that Jesus wants to tell us. He has not stopped speaking because his ways are not completely clear yet.

If his ways or his words feel overly familiar to you and you wish for something fresh, lean into more.

Where last century's Christianity looks and responds with inadequacy, lean into more. 

If the way we as believers have traditionally responded no longer delivers the healing the world seeks, lean into more. 

So many who believe in Jesus find themselves disappointed in Christian culture. 

So many are disgruntled at the Church for personal or social reasons.

But we, the followers, only see Jesus' ways in fragmentary slices. None of grasp him or his ways to completeness. 

Here is the invitation:
Come to Jesus with all of your questions, with all of your anger, with all of your hurt. There is always more to discover. What you know about him in this moment is incomplete; there are pieces still missing in the Jesus story. 

Do not let the questions or the anger or the hurt keep you from leaning in.

With Jesus, there is always more to discover.

More grace, 
   more strategy,
       more truth,
          more kindness,
            more creativity,
               more justice.

Isn't that a great word? 
More.

Young Moms, I Know what God Feels about You

The day was sunny and warm, as was customary in the tropical country of Thailand. The grass in the yard was different than the grass my family grew at home in Ohio.  

This country was always a breathe of sweet relief to me and my little family. It meant time with co-workers who understood the passions and struggles of life on the mission field. It is a country of freedom in the middle of restrictive nations. 

Deep exhale. 

That is what this country was to us: Refreshing.

I joined other young moms out on the grass, my belly rounded with number three, hoping numbers one and two were hanging with their dad and not the local geckos. We listened to the words of a kind woman who had traveled half-way around the world to encourage us. After putting in that many miles, she had our ears.

She opened her Bible to Isaiah 40 and read some words that I had never noticed before. Probably because I hadn't needed them yet. But the season for those words and I to be besties was upon me.

The long chapter of Isaiah 40 covers a lot of ground, from Israel's Punishment Ending to God is Supreme to Wings Like Eagles. But hidden in the middle, like a sweet little cupcake, is this verse:

He takes care of his people like a shepherd.

He gathers them like lambs in his arms and carries them close to him.

He gently leads the mothers of the lambs.

Did you hear his words?

Our kind Shepherd takes good care of us. We have read that God is our shepherd in Psalm 23 and maybe that idea isn't brand-spanking new. But did you catch that last part, moms? He is not only kind and close to his people but he has something special to say to one particular group of his people: moms of littles.

He gently leads the mothers of the lambs.

 

God wants you to know that he is especially gentle towards you.

Extra gentle. 

Let those words be aromatherapy for your tired soul.

He gently leads the mothers of the lambs.

We can be plenty harsh with ourselves, can't we? How many guilt trips have you taken yourself on? How many eye rolls have you given yourself because of less-than-kind tones? Or how little you have accomplished in a 24-hour span? Or the hot snarled mess your kitchen finds itself in?

Good news! God is not mean or snarky or impatient with you.

God is gentle with you! 

His voice is gentle, his reminders are gentle, his directions are given in a gentle way. Kindness, not blame. Soft-spoken, not harsh.

I think it's because he knows the stress of raising little savages. He knows that bitty kids have big attitudes and short attention spans and over-flowing diapers. He sees the late nights and early mornings, the terrible two's and the saucy three's, the legos, tiny Barbie shoes and jam-smudged windows.

He knows. He understands us. 

And instead of head-shaking and finger-wagging, what we receive from our Parent is gentleness. 

Some of you need to sit on this and read it every day until it becomes part of your permanent view of Daddy God. The most important person in your world is not critical of you but is tender and understanding. 

That is what God feels when he hangs out with you, Amazing Mom.

So maybe you can be a bit kinder to yourself and to the next mom over.

God is gentle with you.

For Those Who Have Ever Felt Excluded

Gosh it stinks to be on the outside. 
Have you ever been in that spot? I have. 

Excluded.
Overlooked.
Undervalued.
Left out.

If Excluded is an ugly word then Included is a pure ray of sunshine.

This guy I know and love is such a beautiful includer. And as the most powerful person in every room he enters, his inclusive nature changes the world. 

The Gospels are full of gripping stories of him, most of which I have heard dozens of times. But as I read them peering through the lenses of inclusion, they became all the more compelling. 

Jesus the Includer.

The fringe people, the sinners, the awkward, the very young, the very old, the Overloooked and the Undervalued, Jesus included them all in his message.

In the Gospel of John we find this breath-taking story of an Outsider turned Insider and we sense that God is saying so much more then he is saying.

To really appreciate this story, we need to understand a few things about the culture that Jesus was born into. 

Culture is a funny thing. It is practically invisible to those on the inside of it because it is just how things have always been done, how things have always been perceived. 

When my husband and I moved to Southeast Asia, we realized for the first time what our culture was. Our Western culture was individualist and forthright. We valued being punctual and candid. Our host country's culture was opposite in most of those ways. Not bad, just different. 

Jesus came in a specific time to a specific culture and he chose the Jewish culture and he chose this exact time to make his appearance. 

There are a few things about the Jewish culture in the time of Jesus that it is important to take note of: how they viewed women and how they viewed the ethnic group called the Samaritans. 

The Jewish religion was Judaism and it heavily valued men and lightly valued women. So much so, in fact, that women were seen as second class citizens instead of equals with men, could not testify in court, could not own land and received little education. 

One of the Jewish men's morning prayers included the phrase, "Thank God I'm not a woman."

The Rabbis (or teachers of God's law) of that time taught that men should avoid women in general and they made it a practice not to speak to women in public, not even to their own wives. 

Young boys went to school to learn reading and writing and reciting, all based on the Torah (the first 5 books of the Old Testament Bible). Young girls were not taught the Scriptures but were trained to do household chores by their moms. 

In Jesus' time, an influential rabbi by the name Eliezer is quoted as saying:
"Rather should the words of the Torah be burned then entrusted to a woman... Whoever teaches his daughter the Torah is like one who teaches her obscenity."*

It would be safe to say that Jewish women were Excluded and Undervalued.

Then there were the Samaritans.

Hundreds of years before Jesus came on the scene, the Babylonians invaded the southern kingdom of Judah and took most of the Jews captives, all except the lowest classes of their society. The Jews left behind intermarried with the different ethnic and religious groups around them, contrary to what Judaism taught them. As they intermarried, their laws and customs morphed into a mix of Judaism and the false religions around them.

These "half-bred" Samaritans were despised by the Jewish people. They were seen as sell-outs and impure. 

The Samaritans were definitely Excluded and Undervalued.

And onto this scene, Jesus does his finest including.

The Gospel of John tells an unexpected story in chapter 4.

It starts out with Jesus walking his disciples right through the heart of Samaritan-ville, also known as Samaria. Although the road ran conveniently right through the community of the despised, most pious Jews took the long-cut, the long way around. 

Not Jesus.

Eventually he came to the Samaritan village of Sychar... 

and Jesus, tired from the long walk, sat wearily beside the well about noontime. 

Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water.

Their culture placed water carrying squarely on the women's shoulders. Or heads. Maybe hips. The water fetching usually happened earlier in the mornings, before the sun was hot and the day's chores half over. But this woman was coming at the perfect time. There was a divine appointment about to happen.

Jesus said to her, "Please give me a drink."

He was alone at the time because his disciples had 

gone into the village to buy some food.

Wait. Wasn't Jesus a Rabbi, a teacher of the law? Did they not avoid greeting women in public? He must be nearly dying of thirst to speak to this woman. And asking her for a favor seems way out of place. Is he really that desperate for water?

The woman was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans. 

She said to Jesus, "You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. 

Why are you asking me for a drink?"

Yes, Jesus. Why?

Jesus replied, "If you only knew the gift God has for you 
and who you are speaking to, 
you would ask me, and I would give you living water."

This is going beyond a desperate plea from a dry and scratchy throat. Jesus is pulling her into conversation. He is talking to her on purpose, for a purpose.

The conversation about this water and another kind of water continue until Jesus gets a bit personal with the Samaritan Woman.

"Go and get your husband," Jesus told her.

"I don't have a husband," the woman replied.

Jesus said, "You're right! You don't have a husband- for you have had five husbands, 
and you aren't even married to the man you're living with now. 
You certainly spoke the truth!"

No one can accuse Jesus about wimping out. Confronting people about their sin takes some guts. Jesus brings up her sin and isn't shy about the truth. But notice, it is after he has included her and drawn her into conversation, showing her value. He even commends her for owning up to her junk!

Where is this conversation going?

"Sir," the woman said, "you must be a prophet. 
So tell me, why is it that you Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place of worship, 
while we Samaritans claim it is here at Mount Gerizim, 
where our ancestors worshiped?"

Did she just change the subject on Jesus? She sure did. 

But Jesus let her. 

Jesus replied, "Believe me, dear woman, 
the time is coming when it will no longer matter whether 
you worship the Father on this mountain or in Jerusalem. 
You Samaritans know very little about the one you worship, 
while we Jews know all about him, for salvation comes through the Jews. 
But the time is coming-indeed it's here now- 
when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. 
The Father is looking for those who will worship him that way. 
For God is Spirit, 
and those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth."

Now it is really getting good.

Do you see what Jesus is doing? This is a far cry from a simple request for water. This is going beyond even a conversation with this Despised and Undervalued woman. 

Could it be? Could Jesus possibly be teaching this Dear Woman?

Oh wait. It gets even better.

The woman said, "I know the Messiah is coming- the one who is called Christ. 
When he comes, he will explain everything to us."

The title Messiah is a really big one, one we in the West in our time in history can't quite appreciate. See, we have many titles and names for our dear Jesus. 

Christ

Lord

Savior

Messiah

Prince of Peace

Good Shepherd

King

But to the Jews, and also the Samaritans who believed in the One True God, the Messiah was the one they had been waiting for, anticipating for centuries! God had promised the One, the Messiah, would be coming to save the people from their sins. Every single Jew was hoping and praying that they would see the Messiah's coming with their very own eyes. Oh could it be in my lifetime?

God had sent dozens of prophets. 

There were hundreds of Rabbis.

But there was only one Messiah, promised but not yet fulfilled.

The Samaritan Woman is anticipating his arrival as well. He will clear things up when he comes. 

When he comes. There might have been a sigh in her voice.

And then Jesus does the crazy, the totally unexpected. Something beautiful.

Then Jesus told her, "I AM the Messiah!"

What makes this so crazy and unexpected is this: she is the only one recorded in the Gospels to have this pronouncement downloaded onto her in this way!

The only other person who got to hear those words was the High Priest at Jesus' trial when he point blank asked Jesus, "Are you the Messiah?" To which Jesus replied, "I AM." He had to ask for it.

Jesus only hinted at his secret identity to his disciples a few times, he never told them outright.

When the religious leaders asked him if he really was The One, he replied, "If I tell you, you won't believe me."

Even John the Baptist, Jesus' forerunner, his predecessor, sent a message to Jesus from prison, "Are you the Messiah we've been expecting or should we keep looking?" And Jesus didn't reveal himself to John! He simply told his disciples to tell John what they had seen and heard. If we were all voting, we would raise our hands for John to know his secret identity, wouldn't we? 

But Jesus was very quiet about that significant detail. 

Except for this one time. 

This one inclusive moment.

Did you just see what Jesus did there? The person standing in front of him was seen by his people as second-class. Third-class even. But not to Jesus. 

In his conversation with her, in his teaching her the ways of his Father, in his revealing his secret identity to her, he was showing her incredible value. 

Ahhh. Inclusion.

Just then his disciples come back.

Not a moment too soon.

They were shocked to find him talking to a woman, but none of them had the nerve to ask, "What do you want with her?" or "Why are you talking to her?" 

The woman left her water jar beside the well and ran back to the village, telling everyone, "Come and see a man who told me everything I ever did! 

Could he possibly be the Messiah?"

When the disciples offered lunch to Jesus, he refused it.

"I have a kind of food you know nothing about."

When is food not very tantalizing? I love to eat. Offer me food and unless I'm feeling nauseous, I'll eat it. There are only two times that I can think of that food was dead to me.

My wedding day and the day last summer that I went sky diving with my husband.

After the adrenaline rush of those two plunges, food didn't offer me much. You know?

This is Jesus explanation for skipping lunch:

"My nourishment comes from doing the will of God, 

who sent me, and from finishing his work."

Jesus had just had an adrenaline rush, he was basking in the glow of what had just happened. He felt full and satisfied because of the delicious meal of inclusion that he had just served up. 

This is why he had come. This is his purpose. 

There is one more beautiful inclusion that we don't want to miss. 

As the Samaritan Woman brings her village friends to the well to meet Jesus and convince him to stay, she is included in more thing. 

Not only did Jesus include her in his Message, now Jesus is including her in his Mission. 

Then [the Samaritan villagers] said to the woman, 

"Now we believe, not just because of what you told us, 

but because we have heard him ourselves. 

Now we know that he is indeed the Savior of the world."

Because she believed the Message of Jesus she couldn't wait to drag her friends and family to him and show him off. That was her Mission, to bring her people to Jesus.

It comes as a package deal, the Message and Mission. When we hear the Message and step into Jesus' circle, we are automatically included in the Mission. 

All of our Mission is the same and yet all so unique. 

Our Mission is to bring people to Jesus. To tell them the most fabulous news ever! That he is indeed the Savior of the whole world.

But the people I invite to hear the Message are different from the people you invite. We all have our different families, friends, neighbors, co-workers, teachers and communities. 

Maybe you invite your people with a microphone or with a pen or with a lifestyle of radical love and forgiveness. Or maybe you draw people to Jesus with one of the other dozens of gifts you possess. 

Just like the Samaritan Woman was included in Jesus' Message and his Mission, so are we. 

If you feel like you are outside the circle, know that Jesus is calling you to be a part, know he is including you. 

He picks you to be on his team!

Now what is your Mission? Who can you include?

*Jesus was a Feminist by Leonard Swidler

What Adoption Cost Me

I love babies! And I think that preschoolers are super funny. I really like little kids. Especially my own.

I also love the independence that 9 year olds bring. I love that my Bigs can stay home alone. I love sending kids to the showers alone. I love big kid games like Apples to Apples and One-on-one. 

I like indoor rock climbing with the Twins.

I like shopping with my Mini-Me.

So here I am. I'm processing what Adoption has cost me. 

My hubs and I have had to make adjustments the whole way through, of course. You can't add any kids to your family without adjustments. Bio, adopted, whatever. They all change your family.

A warm night after dinner last week, we decided to play wiffle ball as a family. With flip-flops for bases and a broken purple bat, toss in a couple of kids who had never hit a ball before, and you have some kind of fabulous! But the end of the game found me in the sand pit with the baby and the bored preschooler. 

Not a big deal. I have nothing against sand. Or hanging out with my Littles. 

But in that moment, The Cost sank in. 

It is not that adoption cost me wiffle ball. But adoption did cost me freedom. For anyone that has had a 5 year old and a 10 year old, you know what I'm talking about. There is a hundred years between them, isn't there? I see friends whose kids are the ages of our older ones and I know what my life would look like without Round Two of little kids. 

Aren't those Round Two's the cutest?

Yes I knew that adoption would cost us. In more ways than one. But as I process the cost in this particular season, I really feel like it is a sweet spot with God. Typing these simple words on my lit-up screen, I know I cannot fully convey the deep work that Jesus is doing in my soul. 

I'll try to explain anyway.

Jesus said to his followers:

"If people want to follow me, they must give up the things they want. They must be willing to give up their lives daily to follow me."

He also said:

"You must be willing to give up everything you have to be my follower."

When we said yes to adopting our kids, it was because Jesus asked us to. We counted the cost the best we could and we said Yes. 

And right here and now, right in the middle of the hard, right in the middle of feeling the cost of saying Yes, I want to say

Jesus is worth it!

He is so worth it! Very very worth it! 

No matter what following Jesus costs me, it is worth it. Every. Time.

Adoption might seem like a small cost to you, and truly it is. There are far greater costs that many of you have paid for saying your Yes. But it is my Yes and it feels costly to me in this season.

I know there are many of you counting the cost of your Yes too. You are asking if it will be worth it. You are asking yourself if you are really ready. And no matter how small or humongous, the cost is there.

I know that Jesus asks all of us to give up everything to follow him. 

Jesus asks us to give up sin. 

He asks us to give up comfort.

Money.

Habits.

Time.

If you are standing on the edge right now, counting the cost before you take the plunge, please know that it is worth it. Know that whatever it is that Jesus is asking you to give up, He is totally, completely worth it. 

Don't let fear hold you back, don't let yourself stand in the way. 

Jesus is worth everything we could think to offer.

And now my baby needs his bottle and I have some poop to clean up and Jesus rocks. All the time.

When Parenting Days Feel Long

As I bent down to pick up a yellow matchbox cement mixer from my flower bed tonight, the thought crashed into my head. 

It wasn't a brand new thought. Fairly elderly, actually. 
But it was a thought that seems so far from my reality that most days it doesn't stand a chance. 

This thought had been coming all week. I can see it now. 

I have a baby, my very last baby, celebrating his first birthday this month. It cannot be possible that this smile has lived with us for one year.

Also in our house is have a young teenager, who I have labeled my husband's this week, as I do when he is giving me grief. 
YOUR son did this, Dear.

We have one daughter who is becoming a young woman, another one leaving the single digits, another one who grew 2 feet in 2 weeks and another who just graduated preschool.

So my mind was all prepped for this crashing thought, this old but surprisingly new thought.

Life is short.

Really it is. Short.

Scripture compares it to a Breath. 
A Passing Shadow.
The Morning Fog.

I don't think about it like that very often. Maybe once in Never Ever.

Because my life doesn't FEEL short. Most days seem to drag on forever. And most seasons. Except for summer. And vacation. And Date Night. Those pass rather quickly. But most of it, it feels LONG. It seems like we have been running this Parenting Marathon for eons. And the finish line is nowhere in sight. 

But tonight, for a slight sliver in time, my life, OUR lives, seemed so short.

As I walked the yard contemplating how to get water to my garden beds, I noticed my snowball bush. Where were those happy white balls that sagged my bush low last month? There were only ghosts left hidden among the leaves and not a white pop of color to be found on the grass underneath. Nothing. And then, on closer look, I spotted the dirt-colored remnants shrived in the dirt.

Their lives were brief, over before we noticed they were gone.

I'm beginning to understand what a short life looks like.

But the beautiful thing is this: a short life is not a sad life. No no. A short life here means that we have another something good coming. Something so much better coming. The Better Life coming will cause my current life to look as lame and shriveled as those flowers in the dirt. 

There are good good things coming in the next life with Jesus.

It also settled something else in my heart tonight. If I only have a little short tiny Morning Fog of a life to live currently, then by George, I am going to pour pour POUR it out, right now and make the very most of this life. 

I will not let the long hard days sap my spirit. I will not whine and bemoan my troubles. I will take this short beautiful life and spend it on Jesus. Spend it all. And in this season, I will be spending most of it on the little people who live in our home and the bigger people who once were.

Yes, parenting is hard and the days can be long and rather inglorious. It can feel like we've lived a decade before lunch and bedtime would be welcomed at 5 pm.

But our lives are short and so are our troubles. 
And the Better Life is on the horizon.

For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18