Why We Don't Have Everything We Need

The Lord is my Shepherd; I have all that I need. 

Psalm 23

Is there a more loved chapter in the Bible than Psalm 23? Doubtful. We are all a bit desperate to know that God does a good job taking care of us. This chapter not only speaks to us, it shouts to us. God give me what I need!

But it doesn't always feel true, does it?

David is absolutely convinced that God gives him rest and nourishment and courage and companionship. He brags about how God protects his body and comforts his heart. 

David believes God restores his soul. What does that even mean?

Everything I need? Really?

I have a lot of needs. In many ways, I lack. There always seems to be a chasm between who I want to be and who I am. Between what I should be holding and what's in my hands. 

The list on my refrigerator look like this:
1. Water
2. Chocolate and/or caffeine
3. Patience 
4. Wisdom
5. Boundaries
6. Real conversations
8. Gentle tones all the way up to bedtime
9. Wisdom!

Is it true that I have everything I need? Because some days it just doesn't feel like the patience and the wisdom are there. Some days I scream "I have unmet needs!!"

You too? Please say it's not just me.

Do you know anyone who is exceptionally motherly? 

Go along with me for a minute. 

You probably know one sweet woman who would like to mother the whole world. Feed them. Cloth them with the perfect weight jacket for the coolness of the day. Give them advice all the day long.

That maternal figure might want to nurture the world, but she can only really mother those who let her. We can ignore her warnings and turn down her chili, spurning her mothering.

The same is true with the Shepherd. Just because he offers to be our shepherd, doesn't mean he is functioning as one in our relationship.

We have to let him shepherd us.

It is our turn, friends. We must place our sheepish selves under his care. We acknowledge we need him. We listen when he talks and we take his advice. When he points to a resting spot, we take it. When he nudges us into places that take bravery, we walk ahead. 

He leads me beside peaceful streams.

He might be in the lead but we still have to put one foot in front of the other and follow.

My cup overflows with blessings.

But do we see it? Do we notice the good stuff splashing out over the edges?

He lets me rest in green meadows.

Are we taking him up on the offer? Or are we distracted by the sunshine or by the other guy or by our own expectations?

Once upon a time I missed a great opportunity to rest because I thought rest only looked like inactivity and my soul stayed dry and needy. 

Once upon a time I didn't see his rod and his correction as comforting because I preferred to keep going the wrong way.

Once upon a time my strength wasn't enough for my situation because I decided to ignore his leading. 

That was yesterday.

Today? Today I'm learning to trust that Shepherd a bit more because I am absolutely needing what he is offering.

Two Kinds of the Stinking Mom Guilt

The scene stayed alive on the edges of my heart, just waiting for a reason for prance on in. It wasn't a pretty scene, but nevertheless it loved to come out to play. Play havoc on my emotions, that is. 

My son couldn't have been older than three or four. Meal times were still stressful for us even though he had graduated from Occupational Therapy and had a feeding tube in his little belly. 

I had imagined my stress level plummeting by now because surely our troubles would be behind us and typical eating would be the new norm.

After another meal time that was really, just another fidget time, I lost it. Not every mom is a yeller, but I get there quicker than I want to. This time was shriller and louder and uglier than most, causing my little guy to run for the next room in tears. 

And the picture of him crying into his hands tormented me for years. It messed with my head, it plagued me, it treated me like it's punching bag.

Until last week.

If you are a mom, you probably can identify with those feelings. Undoubtedly, you too have moments of regrets and words you would pay good money to take back. 

You too have an uninvited movie reel that enjoys reminding you of the low-lights. Perhaps it is that one child or that dark season that makes you wish for a do-over. Like a dry erase board that could be wiped blank. 

If you ever find yourself gazing at the dark ceiling above your bed, convinced that you are screwing your children up for life, you may suffer from guilt.

What is a mom (or a dad, or a normal human) to do with those feelings of guilt?

There are two very different kinds of guilt and if we mistake one for the other, we will be sad parents indeed. 

Paul words it this way:

The kind of sorrow God wants us to experience 

leads us away from sin and results in salvation. 

There's no regret for that kind of sorrow. 

But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, 

results in spiritual death. 

From 2 Corinthians 7

These two kinds of sorrow are the two kinds of guilt I'm referring to. 

1. One variety of guilt causes us to come eyeball to eyeball with our sin. That guilt is a helpful guilt. It is a gut check, the whistle blown on a foul play. We might not like this guilt, but we should.

2. The second variety is a life sucker. This guilt is the weight that keeps us eyeball to eyeball with our junk long after it has been forgiven. There is nothing wholesome about this brand.

Guilt produces bad feelings and bad feelings will never shake the guilt. No matter how often I revisit my bad behavior to punish myself, those negative feelings will never absolve my feelings of shame. 

Is there some small part of you that believes that holding onto those guilty feelings is the just punishment you deserve? That justice demands that you never forget your wrongdoing? 

It's easy to get sucked into that thinking. 

But first things first.

We need to identify our guilt. 

1. Is this a whistle being blown because I screwed up? If so, the remedy is so beautifully simple: repent. Repentance acknowledges the sin and decides to turn around and head the opposite direction. Guilt can do a good, good work if we let it.

We read over and over in scripture about God's response to our sin. Yes, we feel guilty but he forgives us without even a hesitation. There is no pause, no lull, no lapse. His forgiveness is quicker than immediate because he forgives us before we ever knew we needed it. 

For some lovely reading check out Psalm 32:1-5, Psalm 85:2, Hebrews 10:22-23, Romans 8:1-2, Isaiah 43:25, 1 John 1:9, Hebrews 8:12.

That first brand of guilt is not one we are so quick to talk about. And maybe that is why the guilt hangs around for so long, because it is uncomfortable to address the sin that it's pointing to. 

But it needs to happen and we moms are pretty good at doing the hard stuff. Muscles.

So now what is left? 
What do we do with the Mom Guilt that just doesn't quit? The stuff that follows our thoughts around like a stray puppy? We have got to stop petting that sick puppy.

2. Is this guilt a pure energy drain? If there is nothing left for us to repent of, than we have to call it what it is: completely unnecessary mom guilt. If we do not drag it out, showing no mercy, it will bring death. Death to our joy, death to a good night's sleep, even death to relationships. It must go!

Right here is the difference between BEING GUILTY and FEELING GUILTY. 

You can be completely guilty and not feel it and you can feel like a complete scumbag but be innocent. 

Like the great Bible preacher Spurgeon said, "Sometimes our heart condemns us, but, in doing so, it gives a wrong verdict."

He must be in cahoots with the disciple John who talks about guilt this way:

Even if we feel guilty, 

God is greater than our feelings, 

and he knows everything.

From 1 John 3

Moms, or anyone struggling with guilt, we need to recognize this last kind of guilt as a feeling. What do we do with our feelings? Or maybe the question is actually: what should we do with our feelings? (Because inhaling a bag of sweet potato chips may be my reality but not an actual solution.)

Hey friends, contrary to what some people have told us, 
Our feelings are not our boss!

They do not have to yank us around by the hair and dictate our actions and thoughts. 

The Holy Spirit is our Boss if we let him be and I know what he says about me and you and our old sins.

Don't miss this! This is so good and so important.

My guilt is removed and my sins are forgiven! (Isaiah 6:7)
God declares me right in his sight because I believe in Jesus! (Romans 3:26)
Because I have been made right, I have peace in me, not guilt! (Romans 5:1)

Hey Mom! Yes you, the imperfect one. You are not judged guilty!

Last week, God spoke to my guilty heart loud and clear, soft and kind. He let me know that he was in the ugly moment in my living room, mothering my son the whole time. He was motioning for me to come receive the healing and the forgiveness even at the very instant of my mom fail.

But the words he spoke to me were not just for me, they are for you too. And don't you know, when God speaks, we listen up.

It's over. It's done. Stop sitting in it. Stop replaying the bad.
The guilt is gone. Gone! See ya later. Adios. Fare thee well. 
Don't you dare pick it back up or stoop to pet it again. Let. It. Go.

There is no need to let guilt boss you around ever again.

You are welcome to walk through your days...
GUILT FREE!

Maybe You Shouldn't be Reading My Blog

Newbie Mom me, with questions and doubts flaring up, sat down in the rocking chair beside Experienced Mom and started to nurse my baby.

This moment, and the ones opened by this moment, have changed the way I look at mothering. 
Actually, these moments have changed the way I look at living. 

I didn't just sit in that rocking chair, I watched in that rocking chair. I talked and, more importantly, I asked. 

That Experienced Mom rocking beside me was nursing baby number five. She had a wealth of success and failure and progress and missteps and I picked that poor mama's brain squeaky-clean.

Do you know what is easier than asking other for advice?

Google. 

Isn't it? Isn't it quicker and less involved to ask strangers on the World Wide Web for their input? 

When our cake flops, we check in with Google.
When our kindergartener's attitude is lacking, we ask Google. 
When the grass won't grow in the side yard, Google saves the day.
When our marriage hits a crummy patch, Hello Google!

Gosh, I like hitting those keys. I probably type a question every single day of my every single life.

But may I suggest something simple and old fashioned as an alternative?

Mentors.

A mentor is an experienced one whom you trust, and they just might give the www a run for it's money.

Because here is what I have learned about mentors: I can see their fruits. Those people are in my line of sight. I can see their faces and their reactions, watch their children, taste their cakes and check out their side yards. They are verifiable. 

I have had many mentors speak into my life. Some knew it and others did not. For some, I asked and they agreed to be intentional with me for a season. For others, I periodically fired questions by text and they probably thought of me as just a friend. It can look a hundred different ways. 

There are two things mentors have going for them that Google does not:

1. Relationship
We know that we were created for relationships. We were meant to live in the back and forth, the dialogue and the affection. We do not grow businesses, raise babies or chase dreams in isolation. We need The Village.

2. Accountability
Just because Google gives us great advice, doesn't mean that we are going to understand it or follow it. But mentors are so much better; they check up on us because they care. And we don't really know how well that brilliant blogger practices patience with their kids; they could be fibbing. Accountability goes both ways.

Is there any area in your life that you feel stuck in or wish for more insight? 

Is there someone in your life that you look at and go "I love how they do that"? If so, that person might just make a great mentor for you. 

My husband once had the audacity to ask a highly respected pastor in our city to mentor him in Jesus' ways. Ten years later, my husband still talks about how that giant man shaped the way he studied the Bible and thought about God.

So maybe you shouldn't be reading my blog. At least as a substitute for face-to-face. Maybe we should all be pivoting in our seats and craning our necks to find a real Google-less Mentor to learn from.

As I look back on the Sheldon and Annes, the Sharons, the Jens, the Aunties and Mamas in my life, it hits me how much I would have lost if I had befriended Google instead. 

May we ask more questions and type fewer.



And how about you? How have mentors influenced you? Who has spoken loudly and with skill into your life?